Camping? In a tent? Never again.

So, I have been trying to figure out ways to lie to you make this camping trip recap a little less 'horrible.' But, I don't think that's possible. So instead my friends, you get to read the good, the bad, and the ugly.

This weekend I have discovered that camping is like a 2-hour Classical Music Concert, or the “Complimentary Continental breakfast.” It just sounds better than it really is. To me, "roughing it" on vacation means no cable TV or one-ply toilet paper in my fully-functioning bathroom or maybe the shower water is only luke warm or the sheets weren't washed with enough fabric softener. However-- Tents? Sleeping bags? Wild animals roam free around me? Icky bugs? Cooking food over the fire? Being handed a roll of toilet paper and pointed to the woods? No, thank you.

Who wants to live like a hobo for vacation?! NOT ME! And not even the almighty power of the Smore can change my mind! Didn't man create houses so we didn't have to stay in tent-like things and caves? And I refuse to believe that preferring a roof over my head in a home limited to the human species and domesticated animals is a bad thing.

So basically, this weekend wasacompleteanduttertrainwreck stunk. Majorly...but you see, I wasn't going to let it show - I was determined to be an awe-some wife and tough it out. Even if that meant having to knock myself out with a flashlight to never wake up again fall asleep. :)

That was until we did the only other thing in my life that I also now refuse to do - we went canoeing. Canoeing=hell.

We got in our canoes and headed out. We weren't 10 yards out of the gate when my husband started testing my swimming ability. We floated down the river the wrong way, were hit by other canoers, got stuck on every major thing possible including mud (where i lost my shoes), logs, trees, branches, currents. And what started off as a gorgeous day soon turned into literally a cold, rain pelting, high wind nightmare (and this was the actual weather - not just my attitude) and we were in the middle of it all in metal canoes floating down a river. Awesome.

And then just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, the ultimate highlight of my weekend happened- my husband got out of the canoe to help other people and I ended up floating down the river by myself. At this point I am sure that I didn't care if I ever saw him again about anything else but getting out of the freakin water torture container. I am not built for this and I know this.

Eventually, we got back to land but this trip will forever be stamped in my brain as the camping trip from hell. Literally, when purgatory won't work - I think they make you camp and canoe.

So once again, I came to the same conclusion: camping and I are not going to be friends. EVER, unless of course, we decided to get one of these. :)