Thursday, August 27, 2009

Camping? In a tent? Never again.

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So, I have been trying to figure out ways to lie to you make this camping trip recap a little less 'horrible.' But, I don't think that's possible. So instead my friends, you get to read the good, the bad, and the ugly.

This weekend I have discovered that camping is like a 2-hour Classical Music Concert, or the “Complimentary Continental breakfast.” It just sounds better than it really is. To me, "roughing it" on vacation means no cable TV or one-ply toilet paper in my fully-functioning bathroom or maybe the shower water is only luke warm or the sheets weren't washed with enough fabric softener. However-- Tents? Sleeping bags? Wild animals roam free around me? Icky bugs? Cooking food over the fire? Being handed a roll of toilet paper and pointed to the woods? No, thank you.

Who wants to live like a hobo for vacation?! NOT ME! And not even the almighty power of the Smore can change my mind! Didn't man create houses so we didn't have to stay in tent-like things and caves? And I refuse to believe that preferring a roof over my head in a home limited to the human species and domesticated animals is a bad thing.

So basically, this weekend wasacompleteanduttertrainwreck stunk. Majorly...but you see, I wasn't going to let it show - I was determined to be an awe-some wife and tough it out. Even if that meant having to knock myself out with a flashlight to never wake up again fall asleep. :)

That was until we did the only other thing in my life that I also now refuse to do - we went canoeing. Canoeing=hell.

We got in our canoes and headed out. We weren't 10 yards out of the gate when my husband started testing my swimming ability. We floated down the river the wrong way, were hit by other canoers, got stuck on every major thing possible including mud (where i lost my shoes), logs, trees, branches, currents. And what started off as a gorgeous day soon turned into literally a cold, rain pelting, high wind nightmare (and this was the actual weather - not just my attitude) and we were in the middle of it all in metal canoes floating down a river. Awesome.

And then just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, the ultimate highlight of my weekend happened- my husband got out of the canoe to help other people and I ended up floating down the river by myself. At this point I am sure that I didn't care if I ever saw him again about anything else but getting out of the freakin water torture container. I am not built for this and I know this.

Eventually, we got back to land but this trip will forever be stamped in my brain as the camping trip from hell. Literally, when purgatory won't work - I think they make you camp and canoe.

So once again, I came to the same conclusion: camping and I are not going to be friends. EVER, unless of course, we decided to get one of these. :)


41 comments:

  1. I was going to suggest an RV, but I see that you've already thought of that! Not only does it make camping better, but long road trips as well!

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  2. omg! That is terrible, yet hilarious! Glad you made it out alive!

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  3. Oh my gosh that really sucks! I guess the power of the Smore is not so powerful after all.. I did laugh a little at this post though haha.

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  4. OMG. That's horrible. And exactly the way I feel about camping and why I will.never.do.it. EVER.

    I'm so sorry. I sincerely hope your hubby has purchased you a weekend at the spa. He has. Right?

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  5. Oh see your hubby just doesn't know how to camp right. We have a tent that my 6'2 husband can stand up in and has 3 HUGE rooms. We have a queen size air mattress that sits about 3' off the ground and plas we have fans and if needed a portable a/c unit. As far as the bathroom thing goes, you have to get a site close to the restrooms. Go camping the way I do and you will enjoy it. But I MUST admit have to love that RV!

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  6. Ahh I am the same way- I am not a camper!! Eeel and I hate having to pee in the woods, I always pee on myself! ALWAYS!

    I want an RV... not to camp but to cruise the U.S., how fun would that be?!

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  7. haha..i love this post! Sooo true! Made my afternoon! :)

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  8. I feel the same exact way! The only way hubs gets me to go camping is if he books a cabin, but even then I hate walking outside to the bathrooms and showers!

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  9. haha, im sorry it sucked girl but i am not the camper type either..i will just make smores in the oven ha

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  10. ok, rain + wind + canoe = not OK.

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  11. hysterical!!! that me laugh at work.... I went to Israel last yr and one nite was "camping under the stars" bull-sh*t, it was buggy and dark and rainy, and yuck.. and then we also did rafting in the Jordan river, that was SO not fun, especially when locales decided to welcome us tourists by tipping over our raft.... grrrrr... xxxoo

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  12. I went camping with my sisters once and we decided to go canoeing. Got pulled over by some random forest police officer and ticketed for not wearing life jackets.
    Never again.

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  13. In high school, my parents met my at the time boyfriend for dinner. As soon as he said that when he retired he wanted to get an RV and go camping around the country - they said - yeah, this isn't going to work. Apparently they knew I wasn't a camping kind of girl before I could admit it myself. I feel your camping pain!

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  14. wow! We share the same thoughts on canoeing! The last time I went...seriously thought it would be the day I would die!

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  15. I couldn't even "camp" in a motor home. Take me to the closest Hampton Inn, please!!

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  16. Oh man, hubby is taking me camping soon too...but luckily it's at a campground with a nice lake and bathhouses and it's not totally "primitive." Let's hope I survive the weekend!

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  17. Oh my gosh, this is horrible yet hysterically funny! Maybe you can just look at is as something you can laugh about in a couple of years? :) At least you got your one obliged camping trip in, and hubby will not ask you to go ever again.

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  18. oh my gosh, that did not sound like a winning combo! like a complimentary breakfast, haha, i love it! now where's the next vaca (of your choice=)) going to be??

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  19. oh no!
    bad experiences but oh so funny!
    you poor girl!
    only way i'm going camping is in that winnebago, haha! or i guess a cabin with full working bathroom would do all well ;)

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  20. Oh dear! I am totally on your side here. When we go "camping" it involves a deluxe cabin in hocking hills with electricity, cable tv, running water....and a hot tub. Screw the tents!

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  21. Hahaha..I wasn't expecting no less than that descpition from you...well except the canoeing, that's messed up he left you.

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  22. I totally agree with you! I will camp in the back yard, but that's about it. Sorry to hear things didn't go well. My hubs LOVES to camp too, but I refuse to go!

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  23. Wow, I have never in my life had such a miserable time (although ask me to tell you about the time my grandpa was literally floating in our tent...) camping. I'm sorry it was so crummy for you!

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  24. GIRL! I agree 100% with you! Camping=the pits!! I tried sucking it up for future mr and NEVER again! NExt time they want to go lets send them together and you and I will hit up Charles Penzone!

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  25. Camping sucks. My husband wants to go and I say HELL NO! Sorry it was bad. I almost drowned in a river on a canoe trip in middle school so I will never be in one of those again - why is it fun for anyone I will never know! Glad you made it though so yay for you!

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  26. hahahahaha... you are so dang funny. My favorite part is the random RV at the end! You seriously CRACK me up! :) Camping just isn't your thing... but it doesn't make you a bad wife!!!

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  27. I totally agree...No camping for me...but loved the post...

    Hope you will stop by and visit my new Christmas blog

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  28. Yes. You can "camp" at other "campgrounds" like the Ritz and the Four Seasons. These are very popular. Lovely outdoor areas generally and lots of nice showers. :)

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  29. your so funny! sorry it was horrible! haha

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  30. okay have you seriously taken up writing? you are hilarious. i love your life

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  31. Hilarious! That is exactly how I feel about sleeping in a tent. Although I've never done it before and don't ever plan on it either.

    Although I do love canoeing, when it's sunny out though.

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  32. I despise camping and everything you just said reminds me why! Glad you survived hon!!

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  33. I am SO glad my husband is not interested in camping. The thought makes me shudder. I'm glad you survived and at least you got a good blog story out of it... right? :-)

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  34. I'm sorry you had a rough trip! You, have though, reinforced my feelings of never going camping OR canoeing. I'm afraid those things are going to tip over and I'll be trapped underneath! I'm up for the RV though :)

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  35. I don't understand how some people view camping as a vacation. It is my personal idea of hell...

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  36. Ha! I love this post. It is basically my sister's exact feelings re: camping coming from someone else's mouth. Perfect.

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  37. The color was called We'll always have Paris....or something like that! I'm loving it on my toes!

    PS Left you something on my blog!

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  38. Ohh my goodness, I'm so sorry you had a rough trip!! I think you need to be whisked away to a resort!

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  39. Haha,this whole thing made me laugh but I'm sorry that you had rough time camping. My cousins have one of those camper things in your last picture, it's like a little cabin on wheels. DEFINITELY preferable to tents!

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  40. Oh man!!!!! SO sorry it did NOT end up well! It does not sound like my cup of tea either!!

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